So often these days we spend a lot of time and effort striving to make changes in ourselves.  Many of us are trying to kick bad habits such as cigarette smoking.  Even more are attempting to lose weight and keep themselves in good shape.  Why is it such a struggle for some people?

Part of the answer is self-image.  Self improvement is a total process, both physical and mental.  Far too often we focus on the physical aspect and neglect the mental.  For example, to lose weight, you need to develop good eating habits, stay active and see yourself as losing weight.  The mind will attempt to maintain its self-image of the body.  If you see yourself as overweight, then you are struggling against yourself when you try to lose it.  Truthfully, changing your self perception can be the most challenging part for some and can be a reason leading to people giving up on their diet.

Self-image is not only about seeing yourself thinner.  It’s important with all aspects of our life.  We can see ourselves as being lucky, successful, happy and those things we will naturally promote with little to no effort.

So the real hurdle for us, between who we are and who we want to be, is who we think we are.

Our understand of who we are is dynamic and changes over time.  However there are some things we cling onto that hinder positive development.  Sometimes these things are even carried over from childhood.  Were you teased in school and felt like an outcast?  Obviously during our early years we learn a lot about who we are.  However, sometimes what we accept is not always true.  Our teenage social interactions can have lasting effects on our self-image for decades if not an entire lifetime.  If those events were negative, they can have unwanted effects on our goals and decisions.

So how do we change our self-image?  The most important thing is the desire to do so.  Others can help you with positive encouragement, but ultimately, your own will to change is what’s required.  Beyond desire, a powerful tool is visualization.  You want to be thinner?  You have to see yourself as thinner.  If you need to lose 100 pounds, don’t try and see yourself as 100 pounds lighter.  Start thinking of yourself as 10 or 20 pounds lighter.  Even seeing that as a number and seeing that as where you are will help your mind to try and correct this difference between self-image and actual being.

Make a list of positive things about yourself.  Make a list of things you have accomplished.  Keep these positive things in your mind.  Change your thoughts about yourself, and you will change yourself.

The world is composed of actions and reactions.  Every action is paired with a reaction of some sort.  In a physics sense, these are equal, the action force is met with equal reaction force.  On a perceptual level, one event can have widespread reaction.  For example, if you drop a pebble into the center of  a still lake,  the ripples extend far beyond the point where the pebble fell.  Scientifically, we know the force creating the ripples is the same as the force of the falling rock.  Visually, we see the ripples as being much more far reaching than the impact area.

Socially, an action can create reactions greater than itself.  A single world leader can make an important speech and cause millions of others to react.

In our ego driven culture, social reaction is considered negative compared to social action.  American writer and political activist Rita Mae Brown wrote, “A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. One must fight for a life of action, not reaction.”

Our society is often focused on control.  We seek to conquer our environments and each other through containment and control.  We genetically enhance food.  We build dams and reservoirs.  We create skin creams to counter the effects of aging.  Every aspect of our lives is influenced by actions.  Actions equal control.  So what is reaction?  Lack of control?  Submission to the will of others?  Reaction is certainly yin and action is yang, but they need each other.  One is not less desirable than the other in all circumstances.

Let’s imagine a busy commute to work.  An aggressive driver cuts in front of you instead of waiting in the long line of vehicles heading to exit from the expressway, as you have waited.  You can get angry.  Your reaction could be to also drive aggressively, honk your horn,  make sure no one else cuts in front of you, etc.  Or you could be as the water when the pebble came falling down.  You can let the driver merge and go on as you would have before he came along.  The water makes way for the pebble then returns to its previous state.  It doesn’t try to affect the pebble in a retaliatory manner nor change how it will react to the next pebble.  The pebble does not change the water.

The only way you are giving control to someone is if your reaction causes you to change.

Of course, change, like almost everything else isn’t absolute in being a positive or a negative thing.   There is no harm in reacting to and adjusting for the will of others, especially if reacting doesn’t require you to change in a negative manner. The wisdom is found in knowing the difference between action and reaction and knowing when to change and when not to change.

So how do we know the difference?  Is the farmer harvesting his crops an action or just a reaction to the crops having matured?  Was the aggressive driver cutting in front of you because they just like to be that way or were they reacting to some other event that transpired earlier?

In physics, there are some that argue that all actions are actually reactions to a single event that set the universe in motion.  Socially, an action is something we do with a conscious desire and a consideration of how the action will affect us and others.  Reactions are generally more direct responses to actions.

Obviously there is not a black and white, cut and dried test to say socially, one thing is an action and another thing is a reaction all of the time.  However it may be insightful for us to occasionally reflect on our activities and consider how we live.  Do we act when we should react?  How do we react?

We may find that we can react to our own actions, and make a positive change.

What does it take to improve one’s self?  Generally, the primary element is not only the most basic, but often the most elusive: desire.  Change begins with want.  Add to this: focus.  Desire alone provides motive, but the ability to remain focused on a goal requires a certain degree of discipline.  The third ingredient is: education.  Will and determination by themselves cannot insure improvement if one doesn’t have a viable plan to take them there.

With these three qualities, improvement of any type can be achieved: lose weight, quit smoking, learn a new language, start a new career…even change your perceptions about the world around you.  The limits are only defined by the limits of the required qualities.  How badly do you want it?  How devoted are you to making the change?  How completely do you understand the system within which the changes are to occur?

For example, if you desire to lose weight and you are dedicated to this end, how do you do so?  Learn about what you eat affects you.  Study the nutritional values of what you consume.  Research physical routines and develop a system of diet and exercise which will result in a steady and healthly path to your goal.

This applies to every aspect of personal improvement.  The observant will realize it to be a journey of body, mind and spirit all at the same time:  desire, spirit, discipline, body, education, mind.  To neglect one or more aspect is to suffer self imposed barriers.