There is no greater mistake than following desire;
There is no greater disaster than forgetting contentment;
There is no greater sickness than seeking attainment

- Daodejing, Chapter 46, Merel Translation

A common process for finding contentment might go something like this:

Step 1:  Desire something (a possession, wealth, a relationship, a job, etc.)
Step 2: Work to attain/obtain that which you desire.
Step 3: Experience satisfaction and/or contentment.

In many cultures today we are taught from an early age to be ambitious, set goals and strive for success.  Teaching people how to be successful is a billion dollar worldwide business.  There are self help DVDs, books, seminars, hypnosis audio CDs, workshops and online courses that will show you ways to set goals and reach your desires so you can call yourself successful.

From a Daoist perspective this is flawed from the start.  Desire doesn’t lead to contentment.  In fact, desire is the primary obstruction of contentment.  This is a concept shared with Buddhism.  Desire is one of the root causes of suffering.

I don’t subscribe to the view that we must try and live our lives free of all desire.  Many pleasures result from our cravings.  Some great artworks are the product of desire.  Sure, hate, rage, war, theft, murder are all products of desire, but so are love and compassion.

Yet there is a difference in having desires and following desires.  I believe the idea expressed in the Daodejing is living your life in pursuit of desire is a mistake.  How many years are you willing to spend reaching your goals before you allow yourself to feel content?  How much of our lives will we let slip away worrying about the things we do not have?  How long will we forget what we do have?

If you’re one of those who are still struggling to be successful, take a moment to think back to your childhood.  Close your eyes and remember a pleasant summer day.  It was a day when you had nothing to worry about.  You weren’t concerned about anything.  Maybe you were taking a walk through the park or enjoying a nap under a cool shade tree.  That day you allowed yourself to be content and you were content.  You didn’t have to do anything special.  It wasn’t in response to any accomplishment.  It wasn’t a reward.

So many people forget contentment.  They forget how to be content.  When you follow desire, you’re always reaching for that next thing you tell yourself you need to do or be or have.

Stop.  Yes, just stop.  Even if it’s just for a while.  Let go of trying to attain anything and just be content.  This is a first step towards a less stressful, happier and more satisfactory life.  Don’t tell yourself you can’t.  Don’t list reasons why that’s not an option for you.  You may have a lifetime of programming to overcome.  It may not be easy, but I can promise you one thing:

It is simple.

Today I heard a man repeat the old saying, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”.  It caused me to pause and think about just how extensive the effects of desire are upon our “eye”.

What we see with our eyes is always interpreted by our mind.  That means what we see is influenced by factors such as education, imagination, beliefs and desiers.

Desire in general isn’t a bad thing.  Absent from all desire, one would be solely filled with apathy.  Desire gives us motive for action.  After all, generally people do things to help others, themselves and their world because they desire to do so.

Some aspects of desire however, lead to cravings.  These have been recognized throughout time, but most famously are the capital vices known as the “Seven Deadly Sins”.  From Buddhists to Christians, or just Eastern and Western philosophy, we’ve long understood the differences in types of desires.

In Plato’s Phaedrus, for example, the soul is guided by the dark horse of passion and the white horse of reason.  Aristotle also noted that desires, coupled with reason, are the basis of purpose and goals.

If I crave things that bring me luxury, it will change how I see all things, including people.  My actions will be shaped by these perceptions.  It can cause me to use people for my own end, be deceptive or even steal.  The threat of law has no bearing on my distorted perceptions and will only affect my actions if the risk of punishment exceeds my craving.

When desire is not in balance with reason, it distorts our vision.  What we see is truly shaped by what we want.  So naturally, in order to see things objectively (and be able to react to them as such) we must overcome the capital vices, our cravings.

This has been a central challenge for humanity, across cultures and ages.  If there was an easy way to rid ourselves of them, it would’ve been resolved a long time ago.  It’s not for lack of trying, however.  Some religions have tried force and fear.  But these don’t cause us to abandon cravings, only hide them.

Ironically, the key to controlling out of balance desire begins with a desire to do so.  From that starting point, we begin a journey of careful self observation, as the way to clear our perceptions of our world must include an awareness of what cravings affect us.

This can take time, it’s not easy to clearly identify the cravings which affect our perceptions while at the same time suffering from their effects.  For many, it’s a lifelong process.  Especially so if you don’t choose a lifestyle that’s focused on this end (such as becoming a Buddhist monk or joining a convent).

Most of us will never completely clear our minds and see the world as it is,  free from our personal distortions.  That doesn’t mean it’s not a task worth undertaking.  Even freeing your mind of just one distortion can drastically change your life.  For example, consider one of the seven deadly sins: pride.

This is one of the more complex capital vices because it was long considered a virtue.  However, like most things if not tempered with reason it becomes the root of many negative effects.  Pride leads to vanity, which leads to a devaluation of others (in the eyes of the vain).  “Ethnic pride” leads to racist views.  People get into fights when one’s “pride is hurt”.  Wars have been fought because of pride.  Overcoming just one aspect of pride can result in dissolving a burden of intolerance and being able to see people in an entirely new way.

And that is definitely worth the effort.

What does it take to improve one’s self?  Generally, the primary element is not only the most basic, but often the most elusive: desire.  Change begins with want.  Add to this: focus.  Desire alone provides motive, but the ability to remain focused on a goal requires a certain degree of discipline.  The third ingredient is: education.  Will and determination by themselves cannot insure improvement if one doesn’t have a viable plan to take them there.

With these three qualities, improvement of any type can be achieved: lose weight, quit smoking, learn a new language, start a new career…even change your perceptions about the world around you.  The limits are only defined by the limits of the required qualities.  How badly do you want it?  How devoted are you to making the change?  How completely do you understand the system within which the changes are to occur?

For example, if you desire to lose weight and you are dedicated to this end, how do you do so?  Learn about what you eat affects you.  Study the nutritional values of what you consume.  Research physical routines and develop a system of diet and exercise which will result in a steady and healthly path to your goal.

This applies to every aspect of personal improvement.  The observant will realize it to be a journey of body, mind and spirit all at the same time:  desire, spirit, discipline, body, education, mind.  To neglect one or more aspect is to suffer self imposed barriers.