I often wonder why people say “you shouldn’t judge”.  Is it just one of those politically correct things people say so others think of them as more socially enlightened?

Everyone makes judgments about others.  If you claim you don’t, you are only deceiving yourself and others who are deceiving themselves in a similar fashion.

Even animals make judgments.  Is the approaching person going to be dangerous, will they pet me, or can I eat them?  Making judgments of others is essential to functioning in a society.

Is the person knocking on my door acting suspicious?  Do they feel dangerous?  Is that salesperson honest?  We make personal judgments about what someone is like on so many levels the moment we meet them.  This collection of dispositions is affectionately known as a “first impression”.  We base this on how they dress, how they are groomed, how they speak, their body language, what we know of their background, etc.

The more we learn about someone, the more refined our judgments become.  Eventually, we may judge someone as not only safe, but also having many interesting aspects in common with us.  This particular collection of judgments is given the title “friend”.

I judge people.  I make judgments about people based not only on them, but by their friends and associates.  If you regularly hang out with a gang of quantum physicists, I am going to decide you’re into physics.

If I find out later that you hang out with this radical band of cutting edge physics geeks simply because you’re attracted to one of them, and you really have no passions for theoretical math after all, then I will modify my prior judgments accordingly.

And that’s where the real issue comes into play.  Some of us are unwilling to change our judgments as needed and cling to inaccurate or just outright false perceptions.

So next time you hear someone say “don’t judge”, you can tell yourself “don’t stop judging”.

Everything in the world today is considered property.  People own land.  People own material goods.  People even own procedures and concepts.

Humanity’s need to own things wasn’t stopped when we ran out of things to own.  Your very own experiences are considered a commodity.  If you listen to music or watch a movie without the appropriate people being “rightfully” compensated first, you have committed a crime.

What is wealth?  Is it coins?  Cash?  Numbers in a bank computer?  Big houses?  Cars?  60″ HD widescreen televisions?  Where does it come from?

Other people.

If you run a business, your wealth comes from others who use your products or services.  No matter what those may be, you still rely on others to purchase them.  Do you own the property for your store or do you lease it?  Do you generate the electricity to power your store or do you purchase it?  Do you own the communication network you use at your store or do you buy that service, too?

Did you build your car?  Sure you paid for it, but you still needed someone to make it.  Your wealth comes from others and the wealth of others comes, in part,  from you.

As long as you purchase or even benefit from things in a society you belong to those who provide for you.  You are are their wealth.

I’m not suggesting that we should give up all our possessions and live alone in the wild (if you can find it).  Certainly I want to protect the things I have purchased from being taken.  I am suggesting, however,  that we not lose sight of our position in this ocean of ownership.  Everything is part of the wealth of others.  Everyone is part of the wealth of others.

Wealth is a product of society, is measured by society, valued by society and owned by society.

With this in mind, what is the greatest wealth each of us has?  What is the most important thing to own?  Ourselves.  This is the base value by which all other things we have claim on will be compared.

Own yourself, first.

“This is my child, this is my wealth”: such thoughts are the preoccupations of fools. If we are unable to own even ourselves, why make such claims? - Buddha

So many of us have our eyes open and good vision yet we do not see.  It’s not because we’re incapable, but we just don’t look.  We don’t want to see.

In U.S. politics, party members and supporters often summarily reject the ideas of other parties.  Are they unilaterally against any ideas which don’t originate from their own camp?  Or do they just refuse to see?  The desire to be correct blinds us.

On a personal level,  some turn their backs on the mirror when pressed to really look at themselves and their choices.  Those people who want to  believe something will not even consider an opposing view.  This is most common with religious views.  My way is right, every other way is wrong. There is no discussion.

While this is often obvious, even to the intentionally blind, the willful closing of our eyes is not always so apparent when dealing with our closest relationships.  We can reach a point where we stop looking at them and see only what we choose to see.  People constantly evolve over time, and we have to keep evolving our vision of them as well.  Otherwise one day you may wake up and feel as if your best friend or spouse is a stranger.

How?  Listen.  Really listen.  Look at each other when you talk.  Make regular time for sharing the details of each others lives.  Compromise.  Keep yourself integrated.  Start with your close relationships then work outwards.

The intentional blindness of our society comes from this: Lack of integration. When a society is self absorbed it fractures.  Get to know your neighbors.  Meet people in your community.  Honestly.  Not for appearance.  Take a genuine interest in those in your life.

It may not heal a society, but it may help you see again.

Trying to live my life in balance, I encourage myself not to categorize my experiences.  This is a difficult choice, especially since my career has been sales for over a decade.  I have to keep in check the desire to press what I want others to buy from me and the impression that I can judge in advance what others want from me with being open and simply listening to them tell me what they want.

This is not to say I am an order taker.  A good salesperson is an educator and a provider.  I share my knowledge and personal enthusiasm with others and if they would like to use the tools I can provide them to enhance their day to day lives, I connect them.

For me, most sales do not end at the completion of a transaction.  On a business level, this is described very briefly as “continued customer support”.  I offer free training on how to use the phones (many people buy smart phones which are really personal organizers, information portals, and complete communication solutions, which can be daunting to fully understand at first).  I make myself available for them to visit with me as needed to help them with their frustrations that come from learning or to find additional products to complement their lives.

Of course, I would think these are the traits of many successful salespeople.  My philosophical views have a more subtle presence, but a very noticeable effect.  I do not try and lead them to my direction (of course those who ask my opinions and preference will hear them).  I am like a passenger with them on a raft, watching where they are going and offering them what I have to help them along the way.

I think sales is just a business term for a very basic aspect of life.  Everyone is in sales.  Sales is sharing: products and services, certainly, but also ideas, perceptions, emotions, beliefs.  Sometimes sales involves money transactions, sometimes not.  When we introduce ourselves to another, it’s sales on a very basic level.

My girlfriend plays a computer game called Sims 2.  When the little electronic people in game meet each other, each “transaction” ends with little “pluses” or “minuses” over their heads.  This translates into a numeric value representing how the two feel about each other.  I think this does closely mimic real life.  We remember our interactions with others and that carries over to the next time we meet.  Positive interactions increase the likelihood of future positives, and negatives often breed additional negatives.  In effect, every time we communicate with others, we are selling:  sometimes things, sometimes ideas, sometimes just ourselves as friends.  It doesn’t have to be overt, it doesn’t even have to be with intent.  It just is, without effort, without motive.

I carry this belief along with me in all aspects of my life.  In work I feel relaxed and enjoy it because I am doing the same thing as when I am not working.  I am giving, teaching, learning and receiving.  It’s the same things I do when not at work.

Just like in the Sims game, there will be little plus signs and little minus signs.  Therein lies the challenge with all interpersonal interactions.  In business the goal is to have more of the positives and less of the negatives.  This will result in success.  In life, your goals may vary, but it would be safe to say that life is often easier for most of us when we feel good towards others and others feel good towards us.  It’s not difficult to realize: surround yourself with positive thoughts and feelings and you will attract the same in others.  Angry, negative people often spiral down into more negativity and can even bring others with them.

What do you choose?